• Lynn Mattina

Picking up Enemy Weapons

Are you caught in a negative pattern that feels like a maze you can't get out of? Maybe your relationships are strained? Are you beating yourself up inside your own thoughts? Are you agreeing with negative ideas about yourself? If the reactions you're getting from others are creating a downward spiral or even depression in your life, this blog may help.

There is something called "Innocent Negativity" where your not consciousnessly trying to hurt yourself or others. We can be negative behind our own backs in not realizing what we say to others or ourselves. It's very subtle! We don't even realize the negative things we say everyday that can cause impacts leading into hurt, time and even money.

If you believe it's true, then it's true.

Choosing not to like something is a choice. Own that choice because it's serving you. So think about this... if you don't like something, how does that negativity protect you? If we think something is true, then its true for us. Does it have to become our primary focus? What good is all this bringing to your life? Politics is a heated example of what we feel is true or false. No one wants to be the "wrong" person in the room trying to spread an agenda. We all have differing opinions and we all believe we are the individual that has the correct answers. What makes something true is weather or not you yourself believe it. Choosing what you believe and what you focus on becomes true whether it's positive or negative. The world is both positive and negative. What do you choose to follow?

Negative thoughts said out loud will create a negative emotion in yourself and others. Think about how your thoughts and words serve you.

Consider, "Is there a reason to share all of this out loud? What good or bad will it bring to others knowing that my words may have a direct impact on them?" But just because we think something, we don't have to speak it out loud. Again, what good will it bring to you? It doesn't have to become our primary focus. Our words are a powerful weapon! They can make or break a situation or a relationship. They can tear down or they can build up. Another great example is the breakdown of a marriage. Most relationship destruction is because of communication breaks. It's so easy to tear down a spouse because of our own frustration. Our significant others are hyper-sensitive to our words and actions. What are your words to your partner? Do they build up or tear down? What good does that bring to you?

If you choose to focus on the negative, weather it be the horrible traffic that day or an over abundance of rain, or something you said about yourself that caused a negative emotion inside of you... what you choose to say reflects what you're currently scanning for. I challenge you to listen to conversations and your own words as you walk through your day. Did you know that in everyday general conversation there are negative words spoken once every minute? Wow crazy! Test it out! Listen to passing conversations on the street or in the office. Then listen to your own words as you speak to yourself and others. Negative thoughts come from negative thinking. This can all change within a mindset. But you can't change without being aware of it.

Thinking within negativity can keep us safe. It makes us stronger and our opinions can give us power in our circles of friends. It can be a survival mechanism that keeps us safe. Think about how negativity makes us look and feel to others around you. How is negativity serving you? If you put someone else down, does that give you more authority in making yourself right? Are people agreeing with you? Does it keep you in the "in-crowd"? Is that how you want to be perceived?

Here are some very subtle negative words that you can pick up within yourself or others

  • That won't work

  • I don't like that

  • I'm so stupid

  • I never should've tried...

  • I hate this rain. I just washed my car

  • People suck, they are just mean

  • I don't have time

  • I'm too tired to deal with that today

  • I hate my boss

  • He/She should....

  • I'm fat

  • I'm not loved

  • I'm not pretty/handsome

  • I just don't get along with others. No one "gets me"

  • Relationships aren't for me

What do you love? State the positive. What is it you're looking for? Nothing is negative until you state it as truth. Only thoughts make things negative. Focus on what you DO want and what you DO like. Stretch yourself and ask people how you're being negative.

“What we focus on, we empower and enlarge. Good multiplies when focused upon. Negativity multiplies when focused upon. The choice is ours: Which do we want more of?”

Julia Cameron, Blessings

The brain will always search for evidence in what it should believe. If your brain scans for bad then the world will become a bad place. If your brain can turn the negative into good things and speak positive, then the world will become a much easier place to live for you. Negativity will breed negativity. If someone comments to you regarding how horrible the day/situation at work is, you can choose to turn the negativity into more negative, or flip it and turn it into a positive. I challenge you to do this. It may feel impossible at first. So many people have come to me saying that there is absolutely no good thing within a given situation. But as you think and search it out, you will come up with at least one good thing no matter how horrible. Focus on that good point instead of all the negativity and even trauma that surrounded it. If you look for the good then you will find the good. You can choose to tell me how bad your life is or how good your life is. What do you choose to focus in on?

Which voice do you listen to?

As spiritual people we can tap into the different voices that come to us everyday. Our minds are cluttered with thoughts, ideas, to do lists, other people's wants and needs... every second. And with social media we are inundated with different messages coming to us. Think about what voice you listen to most...