Are you caught in a negative pattern that feels like a maze you can't get out of? Maybe your relationships are strained? Are you beating yourself up inside your own thoughts? Are you agreeing with negative ideas about yourself? If the reactions you're getting from others are creating a downward spiral or even depression in your life, this blog may help.
There is something called "Innocent Negativity" where your not consciousnessly trying to hurt yourself or others. We can be negative behind our own backs in not realizing what we say to others or ourselves. It's very subtle! We don't even realize the negative things we say everyday that can cause impacts leading into hurt, time and even money.
If you believe it's true, then it's true.
Choosing not to like something is a choice. Own that choice because it's serving you. So think about this... if you don't like something, how does that negativity protect you? If we think something is true, then its true for us. Does it have to become our primary focus? What good is all this bringing to your life? Politics is a heated example of what we feel is true or false. No one wants to be the "wrong" person in the room trying to spread an agenda. We all have differing opinions and we all believe we are the individual that has the correct answers. What makes something true is weather or not you yourself believe it. Choosing what you believe and what you focus on becomes true whether it's positive or negative. The world is both positive and negative. What do you choose to follow?
Negative thoughts said out loud will create a negative emotion in yourself and others. Think about how your thoughts and words serve you.
Consider, "Is there a reason to share all of this out loud? What good or bad will it bring to others knowing that my words may have a direct impact on them?" But just because we think something, we don't have to speak it out loud. Again, what good will it bring to you? It doesn't have to become our primary focus. Our words are a powerful weapon! They can make or break a situation or a relationship. They can tear down or they can build up. Another great example is the breakdown of a marriage. Most relationship destruction is because of communication breaks. It's so easy to tear down a spouse because of our own frustration. Our significant others are hyper-sensitive to our words and actions. What are your words to your partner? Do they build up or tear down? What good does that bring to you?
If you choose to focus on the negative, weather it be the horrible traffic that day or an over abundance of rain, or something you said about yourself that caused a negative emotion inside of you... what you choose to say reflects what you're currently scanning for. I challenge you to listen to conversations and your own words as you walk through your day. Did you know that in everyday general conversation there are negative words spoken once every minute? Wow crazy! Test it out! Listen to passing conversations on the street or in the office. Then listen to your own words as you speak to yourself and others. Negative thoughts come from negative thinking. This can all change within a mindset. But you can't change without being aware of it.
Thinking within negativity can keep us safe. It makes us stronger and our opinions can give us power in our circles of friends. It can be a survival mechanism that keeps us safe. Think about how negativity makes us look and feel to others around you. How is negativity serving you? If you put someone else down, does that give you more authority in making yourself right? Are people agreeing with you? Does it keep you in the "in-crowd"? Is that how you want to be perceived?
Here are some very subtle negative words that you can pick up within yourself or others
That won't work
I don't like that
I'm so stupid
I never should've tried...
I hate this rain. I just washed my car
People suck, they are just mean
I don't have time
I'm too tired to deal with that today
I hate my boss
He/She should....
I'm fat
I'm not loved
I'm not pretty/handsome
I just don't get along with others. No one "gets me"
Relationships aren't for me
What do you love? State the positive. What is it you're looking for? Nothing is negative until you state it as truth. Only thoughts make things negative. Focus on what you DO want and what you DO like. Stretch yourself and ask people how you're being negative.
“What we focus on, we empower and enlarge. Good multiplies when focused upon. Negativity multiplies when focused upon. The choice is ours: Which do we want more of?”
Julia Cameron, Blessings
The brain will always search for evidence in what it should believe. If your brain scans for bad then the world will become a bad place. If your brain can turn the negative into good things and speak positive, then the world will become a much easier place to live for you. Negativity will breed negativity. If someone comments to you regarding how horrible the day/situation at work is, you can choose to turn the negativity into more negative, or flip it and turn it into a positive. I challenge you to do this. It may feel impossible at first. So many people have come to me saying that there is absolutely no good thing within a given situation. But as you think and search it out, you will come up with at least one good thing no matter how horrible. Focus on that good point instead of all the negativity and even trauma that surrounded it. If you look for the good then you will find the good. You can choose to tell me how bad your life is or how good your life is. What do you choose to focus in on?
Which voice do you listen to?
As spiritual people we can tap into the different voices that come to us everyday. Our minds are cluttered with thoughts, ideas, to do lists, other people's wants and needs... every second. And with social media we are inundated with different messages coming to us. Think about what voice you listen to most...
Your own voice
God's voice
The darkness
With discernment and being aware of the thoughts going in and out of our brains, what voice do you listen to the most? Let's think about this for a minute. Your own internal thoughts spend a lot of time figuring out which voice to agree with. The darker voices will always speak the loudest, throw opinions, force impressions that we usually agree with. God's voice is the still, small voice that we have to bend an ear to hear. Interestingly enough, all three voices sound like our own voice.
“If I make dark my countenance, I shut my life from happier chance.”
Alfred Tennyson, The Two Voices
Picking up weapons
The darkness will use our own voice when it speaks to us because that's what we will receive. If the dark came to us in a scary growly voice then we would throw it out immediately. This kind of deception goes all the way back to the original sin. "Did God say?" We may agree with an inner dialogue that says, "It's true that God sees me negatively! It must be true that I'm not a good person." This is how we pick up an enemy weapon and use it against ourselves to beat ourselves up inside negativity. This voice makes us feel unworthy and bad about ourselves and our actions. This voice points fingers at others making them seem less in our lives. It can cause an overload of emotions and depression. It's a program that works really well to destroy us.
In one season within my life I was highly suicidal. Everything seemed to be wrong in my life. Depression can be debilitating. Some of the voices I heard sounded like this... "It's never going to change. Why don't you just end it. It will be so much easier on everyone if you weren't here. If you die then all of your problems will be over. You'll go to God. No one wants you around anyway." Pretty brutal right? Remember it's our choice to decide what is true. The dark will always speak loud and negative but we can choose to speak and make things positive. We are lucky that God is our advocate. He never ever leaves us for a second. He sends his angels to protect us... but it's our will to choose to live. It's our will to choose to dwell in the negative or concentrate on staying positive. So let God speak into your life. What would He say about how he made you? How did he create you to be a son/daughter? What amazing things has he given your life? I've had so many people tell me that God doesn't make mistakes. But he surely made a mistake when he made them. And many have even told me that they are one of the biggest mistakes in the history of creation that God made. Where do you think this voice came from? If you're struggling with this exercise please send me an email or a phone call so we can find the roots of this.
God's voice is quiet and much harder to hear. Pressing into prayer for answers can be tedious and frustrating. Sometimes it's easier to listen to the voice who speaks the loudest. God is about relationship. His quiet nature encourages tenacity to find our answers. So we press in and pray, fast, worship... and in our wait we hear God's voice. And the answers are always filled with a depth of love and compassion like no other. This is how we know the voice of our Father in Heaven. Something about the voice of God will resonate in our spirit because it is delivered and confirmed with love.
John 10:27
My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.
(ESV)
Which voice are you choosing to tap into? How is negativity serving you? What would change in your life if you turned all negativity into positive? If you're having a difficult time with this, please contact me and let's explore this in greater depth.